The dust has settled and I’ve had time to reflect on 2017! It’s been a fabulous and life changing year. Today, I applied for a mortgage so we have a lot of exciting things to come in 2018.
Like most parents, I have strengths and things I wish I was better at.
But I am a strong believer in setting goals that are Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant and Timely (SMART) so I am only setting one goal related to my steparenting. In fact, I think it is absolutely ridiculous to only set goals once a year so once I’ve achieved this stepmom goal, I will set another. We’re always growing right?
This year I’ve decided to get off the emotional rollarcoaster.
As stepmums, we are involved with all kinds of emotionally charged situations. For example, sometimes, my stepchildren can’t wait to get to our house but other days they don’t want to come. In the past, this has caused me anxiety because I’ve worried that I am the reason they don’t want to come over! This hard to take when you’re working so hard to help them live lives full of opportunities.
What I need to remember is that I am they adult and they are the kids.
They have been put in a difficult situation that asks them to deal with ‘adult issues.’ They didn’t ask for this. Their lives have been complicated by the adults around them.
Of course, the boys’ emotions will change from minute to minute! But the best thing I can do, for them and me, is refuse to ride the emotional rollarcoaster with them. This will make me a better step-parent and partner but it will also make me A LOT happier.
Here’s how I have outlined my stepmom resolution using the SMART Goal Strategy:
Specific- Instead of reacting in an emotional manner and letting a situation control my day, I will reflect on the situation logically for 5 minutes. I am going to use the 5/5/5 rule (will this matter in 5 minutes, 5 months or 5 years?) to measure whether this is really a big deal. Thinking with a clear head will allow me to take the best course of action.
Measurable- I will know I’ve achieved this when I am able to let go of emotional situations and not let them consume me within 5 minutes (yes, I am crazy and I will actually time it).
Achievable- In order to achieve my goal, I am also going to make sure that when I feel anxious, I either discuss it with G right away or write it down so that we can discuss it together later. I can do this! It will make me happier and allow me to be a better stepmum!
Relevant- As a stepmum, the things that stress me out reoccur. The situation may be different but my reaction isn’t. I am going to develop a process for dealing with my emotions that is systematic and logical.
Timely- I am going to give myself until the end of February in order to make sure that the deadline isn’t too far away! Then I can review and revise it! If I feel like I’ve got a handle on this, then I’ll celebrate and set another goal!
Have you set yourself a Stepmom SMART goal yet?
Remember that perfection is not achievable but you can get pretty close!
You’ve got this ladies! I’d love to hear about your stepmom goals! Comment below. x